


White Blank Page

by seekingoutfriday



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-09
Updated: 2012-04-09
Packaged: 2017-11-03 08:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekingoutfriday/pseuds/seekingoutfriday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"But you've always been mine," Quinn choked out. And they both knew that was correct. In one way or another, Rachel has always been Quinn's. Edited 2/01/2014</p>
            </blockquote>





	White Blank Page

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or Mumford & Sons

But tell me now, where was my fault  
In loving you with my whole heart  
Oh tell me now, where was my fault  
In loving you with my whole heart  
\- _White Blank Page_ , Mumford & Sons

She wonders if it was ever about Finn for the brunette. She knows for her, it wasn't.

But now, the two are cradled on the couch in the middle of the blonde's living room watching _Moulin Rouge_ for the second time that afternoon and Finn is only an afterthought.

The singer and the cheerio had been together for six months now. And in four months, they both will be moved into an apartment in Manhattan while Rachel auditions and takes acting classes and Quinn will be studying literature. Quinn dreams of being able to wake up in the morning to Rachel's smile and the two of them getting ready together for classes in the morning and sharing breakfast. She wants that.

If she's honest with herself, she's wanted that for a few years now.

Rachel says she's known about Quinn's feelings ever since junior year when the blonde, eyes brimming with tears, begged Rachel to forget about Finn and move onto better things, because she was meant for it.

Rachel also says that she subconsciously fell in love with Quinn in that moment as well.

But both of the girls shoved down thoughts of the other and _what ifs_ and _maybes_ and focused on schooling and _Finn_ and Glee. It wasn't until beginning of their senior year when Quinn found Rachel alone at the piano humming _their song_. The singer had just broken up with Finn because they were going in opposite directions in their life.

Quinn had sat down next to her on the piano bench and whispered that she applied to NYU. The two girls stared at each other for several minutes until Rachel grabbed Quinn's face and kissed her. Simple as that.

That was in October - six months ago.

_Can you lie next to her_  
And give her your heart, your heart  
As well as your body  
And can you lie next to her  
And confess your love, your love  
As well as your folly  
And can you kneel before the king  
And say I'm clean, I'm cleam

They had both come a long way since then, now enjoying the empty house. They had a day off school and luckily, Judy Fabray was going to be at work all day.

The two girls jumped at the opportunity to be alone for a few hours.

Rachel is a sucker for the romance, and Quinn wonders if their love can be that epic. If she sang _Come What May_ to the diva, would the girl sing it back to her?

Quinn wonders a lot, but for now, she'll push those thoughts out of her head and continue stroking the brunette's hair as she remains transfixed on Christian serenading Satine.

Her arms wrap tighter around the brunette, pulling the girl into her lap. Quinn sees Rachel smile and lace their fingers together, eyes still never peeling from the television screen.

Quinn chuckled and began nipping at Rachel's ear, her right hand slipping under the t-shirt. Rachel squeaked and tightened her grip on the blonde's fingers.

"Quinn," whined Rachel as her girlfriend was now working down her neck. "Quinn - you have to stop this. We - _oh my gosh_ \- we don't know when your mom is supposed to get back."

Hands were now caressing Rachel's hips and her sleeve was pulled down so lips could ghost over her shoulder.

"Come on, Rach," Quinn whispered into skin. She was now working on the buttons of Rachel's top. "My mom doesn't get back for a couple more hours. Just -" she had gotten the last button -"be with me now, please?"

Rachel shook her head but still turned around in Quinn's lap so they were now facing each other. Quinn smirked before claiming Rachel's lips with her own.

Quinn shouldn't be doing this, being so careless. She knew her mother's work schedule was not consistent. But Rachel felt so good against her and tasted incredible and she and Rachel hadn't been _together_ for weeks that she didn't care in the moment about what could possibly happen.

The singer had the bottom of Quinn's blouse scrunched in her hands as her body pushed Quinn into the couch. Their pants were becoming heavier and the girls were too engrossed in each other to hear the door open and the clicking of heels on the hardwood floor.

However, what they did manage to hear was a loud gasp.

The blonde quickly tore her mouth away from Rachel and gently shoved the girl away from her. Quinn's chest was heavy and she refused to look at where the gasp came from.

Her nails were digging into her palms as she tried to gain courage to look at her mother. She took Rachel's hand before turning around.

Judy's eyes were wide, bouncing frantically back in forth between the two girls, and her hand was clasped over her mouth in surprise. Her eyebrows furrowed in disbelief.

"Mom," Quinn choked out. "I - I can -" she was cut off as the older woman shook her head and bent down to gather up the papers which were earlier dropped. She silently walked down the hallway to the master bedroom and shut the door without acknowledging either of the girls.

Quinn stared at the locked door.

"Oh no," she mumbled. "Oh _god_ what just happened. No, no, no-"

"Baby," Rachel said trying to get the blonde's attention. "Baby, look at me. _Please,_ look at me." She turned the blonde's head towards her, cupping her cheek. Quinn's hazel eyes were watering and her bottom lip trembled.

"There you are," the singer whispered. She peered into the blonde's eyes. "Quinn, you're alright. You just need to breath. Ok?"

Quinn nodded and took a deep breath, her forehead falling to Rachel's shoulder. "Can we - can we go to my room please?"

The two girls got up from the couch and trudged to Quinn's room. Quinn sat down on the edge of her bed, stoic. Rachel went near the head board and tugged Quinn with her, gathering the blonde in her arms.

_But tell me now, where was my fault_ __  
In loving you with my whole heart  
Oh tell me now, where was my fault  
In loving you with my whole heart

Quinn curled her body into Rachel's, her head resting on her girlfriend's chest. She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the image ingrained in her head of the stricken look on her mother's face.

"Rachel?" Quinn asked.

"Yes?"

Quinn was now tracing patterns on the other girl's collar bone. "You love me, right?"

Rachel tipped Quinn's chin up and caught her mouth in a languid kiss before replying. "Yes. You know I do."

Quinn nodded. "I love you, Rachel. So much." She wound her arms around Rachel's stomach before continuing. "Do you think my mom still will?"

The blonde felt Rachel still beneath her. "Why are you asking that? Of course she will, Quinn."

Quinn shook her head. "Did you not see her, Rach? She - that wasn't love, what she looked like. It looked like she _hated_ me just then."

"Hey- hey, Quinn, listen to me," Rachel urged. "She is your mother, ok? She loves you."

Quinn sat up and sniffed. "She loves me when I'm not pregnant or when I'm the head cheerleader. She doesn't love all of me."

Rachel opened her mouth in reply, but could find no words. Instead, pulled Quinn back two her again and they lay intertwined on the bed.

About an hour passed when they jolted up as someone knocked on the door. Quinn grabbed Rachel's wrist in a vice-grip.

"Quinn, I need you to come out here, please. We need to talk."

Quinn felt her body begin to tremble as she stepped off the bed; she was afraid that her legs would give out.

"I love you," she whispered to Rachel before closing the door behind her to meet her mother in the dining room.

Her mother sat at the dining table, sipping on coffee. She briefly glanced up at her daughter before looking back down at the table.

Quinn sighed and sat down at the opposite end of the table. She could do this. She could be strong and look her mother in the eye.

The two sat in silence for several minutes, neither of them daring to speak first. Finally, Quinn broke the tension.

_And can you kneel before the king_ _  
And say I'm clean, I'm clean_

"Mom," the daughter began. Her hands started to shake. "I'm - I'm in love with Rachel. And I'm really really sorry -"

"You're not in love with her," Judy interrupted.

Quinn blinked. "Excuse me?"

"You're not in love with her, _Lucy_. That's - that's sick and immoral. I will not have you ruin your whole life with this. You might have deluded yourself into thinking what you two have is love, but I can assure you, it is not."

The blonde choked down a sob as her eyes threatened to spill with tears. _This was not happening_. It couldn't be.

"No," she snapped. "I'm really sorry you feel that way Mom, but I do love her. And I am going to spend the rest of my life with her. That's - that's how it is. You don't get to decide that for me."

Judy gently pushed her mug away; her eyes had yet to leave the table. "The rest of your life, huh? And how will you do that when she is away at college and you are still her in Lima?"

" _What?"_ Quinn gaped.

"I'm just saying," Judy continued, "that college is expensive. I know I want to be selective about where I'm sending you. And your father will be paying for half of your tuition. If he hears about this life you are living, do you really think he'll continue to help you out?"

Quinn's hands clenched into fists. "I can't - I can't believe this! Are you seriously saying what I think you're saying?"

"I'm trying to help you live a good life, Quinn, and what I walked in on, well, that was not _right_."

" _I'm your daughter!_ " yelled Quinn. "You don't get to pick and choose when to support and love me!" Quinn stood up and walked closer to Judy. "I'm a _lesbian_ , mom. And - _god_ \- why can't you love me in spite of that?"

"I do love you, Quinnie. This - this is too much."

"You think I'm disgusting," Quinn said slowly as realization closed in on her.

Judy shook her head. "No - I think what you're _doing_ is."

Quinn wiped at her eyes as the tears fell. "Mom, it's one in the same. And you'd look at me if what you said was true."

The mother stood up to put her coffee mug in the sink. Quinn's eyes followed her movements before it became clear that Judy was done talking. It was time for Quinn to make her decision.

_But tell me now, where was my fault_ __  
In loving you with my whole heart  
Oh tell me now, where was my fault  
In loving you with my whole heart  
  
Quinn found herself facing her bedroom door where Rachel was still inside. She was no longer crying.

She opened the door to find Rachel still on the bed in a fetal position. Hearing the click of the door made Rachel jolt up. Quinn took two large strides to the bed and grabbed Rachel's shirt, yanking the smaller girls towards her. Their noses bumped harshly as Quinn caught Rachel's bottom lip in her teeth before delving in.

Quinn's gripped on the girl was tight and Rachel pushed back on the blonde, tearing away her mouth. "What happened?"

Quinn forced Rachel onto her back and the blonde rested on top of her. "I love you. IloveyouIloveyouIloveoyu and I don't care what she says. I don't care. I just want you. Ok? Will you let me?" she asked, nipping at Rachel's nose and lips. "Will you just let me be yours?"

Rachel grabbed for Quinn hands which were creeping up Rachel sides and under her skirt. "Quinn, stop it. What did your mother say?"

Quinn sighed and sank down onto the brunette. "She doesn't want a gay daughter. She threatened to take away finances for college if I don't end it with you."

" _What?_ "

Quinn nodded and reached down to lift up the hem of her shirt. The cheerleader, now only in a bra and pants, lead forward to capture the brunette's ear in her teeth before answering. "Yea. I just - I want to be with you. I don't care about anything else."

Rachel jerked her head away from the blonde's mouth. "Maybe you should care about everything else."

Quinn stilled above Rachel. "What - what do you mean?"

"She's talking about college, Quinn," Rachel said quietly. "That's a big thing."

"I don't - I don't get what you're saying, Rach," Quinn growled, her hands tearing at her hair. "I just don't want to think about it, ok? I don't want to think about any of it. I don't want to cry. Just - just make me feel better, please, babe? Make everything better, let me do my thing," she pleaded, ripping her hands out of her hair so one could slide down and unzip the brunette's skirt.

Quinn watched as something flashed through Rachel's eyes - anger? No. Resentment? Pity? Whatever it was, it quickly disappeared as eyes rolled into the back of the head as Quinn's fingers arched into Rachel.

_Can you lie next to her_ __  
And give her your heart, your heart  
As well as your body  
And can you lie next to her  
And confess your love, your love  
As well as your folly

Quinn groaned as their clothed centers met and she forced all thought out of her mind - no Judy, No Russell, and no sadness - only the feel of the girl beneath her.

Quinn released Rachel of her shirt - Rachel doing the same to Quinn - and she groaned into Rachel's neck. _This is home_. This is where she was always meant to be.

She captured Rachel's mouth again and was met with damp cheeks. She pulled back, cupping Rachel's face which was streaming with tears.

"What's wrong?" Quinn asked, searching the dark eyes.

Rachel shook her head before kissing the blonde again.

Quinn kissed her back with urgency and peeled the girl's panties down her legs. She felt Rachel kick them off.

_"_ God I love you," Quinn groaned before swiping a finger through the brunette's folds. Quinn smirked. _Screw Judy_.

Rachel shook the blonde's shoulder. "Quinn, I need you up here."

The blonde placed one more kiss on Rachel before climbing back up the girl's body. Rachel palmed Quinn's head and dove in for a kiss, moaning at the taste of herself. The brunette brought her hand down between their bodies.

Quinn tore away her mouth and cried out. Rachel thrust in her again and Quinn brought her own hand down to Rachel's center. She eased in two fingers and tried to match the pace set by Rachel.

 Rachel's palm began hitting Quinn's clit, making her bite into the brunette's shoulder. Quinn's thumb toyed with Rachel's and before long both of them came with a cry. Quinn collapsed down on Rachel, peppering the girl's naked chest and shoulder with kisses.

Silence enveloped the two. Quinn scooted over more to kiss Rachel on the cheek but the brunette jerked away and the kiss landed on the pillow instead.

"What - what's wrong?" Quinn asked quietly.

Rachel slid off the bed and shimmied back into her skirt. "I have to go," she replied curtly, not looking at Quinn. She shrugged on her blouse and slowly re-buttoned it.

"You have to go _now?"_ Quinn questioned, her bottom lip quivering. She reached for Rachel's arm. "Come back to bed, please. My mom doesn't want to see us; it's not like she's going to walk in."

The brunette ripped herself from Quinn grip. "Exactly, Quinn. She doesn't want to see us."

Quinn felt her stomach drop. "What - what does that mean?"

"It means I have to go."

_A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage_ __  
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, the brink  
You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections

Quinn didn't recognize the tone in Rachel's voice. Her lungs began to constrict and she pulled her knees up to her chins, trying to pull herself into an embrace.

"When will you be coming back?"

 Rachel quit the search for her panties and turned to Quinn. She could see the blonde's eyes watering and she returned back to the bed, sitting next the other girl.

Rachel leaned forward, forehead to forehead. They both closed their eyes as Rachel's hand came up to weave in the blonde's hair. "Quinn," she breathed. "I'm not coming back."

A strangled cry ripped its way out of Quinn and she jerked back, her hands pushing violently at Rachel's shoulders.

" _What do you mean?_ " Quinn cried. "You - we're together, right? I don't - what's happening?"

Rachel tried to pull Quinn back to her and it more or less worked - the blonde gripped at Rachel's shoulders, allowing herself to settle into the brunette's embrace, only to push away again.

Rachel blinked away her tears. "One of us has to end it. Your mom is threatening your entire future. This isn't _simple_."

Quinn's face scrunched and she pressed her palm against her mouth to keep from screaming. Sobs were heaving out of her now and it felt like she couldn't breathe. _This isn't happening_.

 "No, no," she sobbed. "Rachel, we're meant to be together. We - you said so once! I don't I _care_ about anything else! I am so in love with you! And - and - you said you loved me!"

_Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life_ __  
Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life  
  
"Not enough," Rachel interrupted.

"What?"

"I don't love you enough," Rachel said slowly. "I don't love you enough to deal with Judy or all of that. I can't -" her words were cut off as her head snapped to the left and a stringing sensation filled her cheeks. Rachel blinked before looking at Quinn,

The blonde starred in disbelief at what she had just done and it just made her cry harder. She buried her face in her lap. She felt the bed dip and Rachel's hands began to rub her back in soothing circles.

"Don't touch me, don't touch me," she begged, rocking back and forth.

Rachel wiped away her own tears but didn't move away from Quinn. She listened to the sound of Quinn's cries as she tried to keep it together. Rachel was just about to open her mouth when she heard the blonde's small voice.

"I just got you," Quinn said quietly in between sobbing breathes. 

Rachel slammed her eyes shut, unable to look at the girl's broken face. "I know," she said softly. Rachel wrapped her arms around Quinn, feelings her shoulder getting soaked by Quinn's tears. "I just got you, too. But you can't have me now."

Rachel heard a sharp intake of breath before Quinn lifted her head up to look at Rachel. The blonde's whole body was shaking.

"But you've always _been mine_ ," Quinn choked out. And the both knew that was correct. In one way or another, Rachel _has_ always been Quinn's.

Rachel was Quinn's when Quinn ordered the slushies, or targeted her on MySpace, or drew pornographic pictures in the bathroom stall. Rachel was Quinn's when Quinn ordered Finn away from Rachel, or when they sang _Keep Holding On_. She'll always be hers because Quinn chose to give her daughter to Rachel's biological mother, and Rachel was always Quinn's when she was slapped at prom.

Rachel was always Quinn's when she encouraged Rachel to believe in herself again, when she pushed Rachel to write a song. Quinn was Rachel's from first sight and to the moment they kissed.

Somehow, Quinn's life was centered on Rachel, and everyone knew it. Because in one way or another, Rachel was Quinn's. But now, it didn't matter.

Rachel rested her forehead on Quinn's temple. "I know," she whispered. "I know."

_Can you lie next to her_ __  
And give her your heart, your heart  
As well as your body  
And can you lie next to her  
And confess your love, your love  
As well as your folly

Quinn let herself bawl into Rachel's shoulder again, her body collapsing into the brunette. She was heaving sobs which made her whole body shape.

_I love you_.

Those words were useless now, and anger flared up in Quinn. She ripped herself away from Rachel and began landing her fists violently on the singer's collarbone.

"You're a liar," she cried. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"

Rachel flinched each time she was hit but she took it with closed eyes. "I know, that's ok," she said quietly, moving away from the blonde.

Fear flashed through the blonde face and Rachel was suddenly being pulled back in.

"No, I didn't mean it," Quinn whimpered. "I don't hate you - I don't. Stay, please just stay -"

Rachel grabbed Quinn hands and pushed them down. She stepped off the bed and towards the door, fighting off Quinn's hands. "I'm going, I have to go."

She shut the door behind her, wincing as she heard Quinn's muffled scream. Rachel leaned against the bedroom door, picturing Quinn doing the same on the other side. She traced a heart with her finger on the wood before turning around to face Judy.

Rachel found Judy out on the porch.

The older woman was reading a book and when she heard footsteps, she set it down expecting Quinn - not Rachel.

The younger girl's face was hardened and red - most likely from crying. Judy decided to be polite. "How are you, Rachel?"

"Don't," the brunette snapped. "Don't play pleasantries."

Judy folded her hands together. "What do you want, Rachel?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I will not be seeing Quinn anymore. You have your single daughter back and you can stop threatening her with... _whatever_."

The older woman gaped wordlessly, before finding the only thing she _could_ say. "Thank you."

Rachel's eyes flashed. "I didn't do it for you. I did it for your daughter, _whom I love_ with everything that I am. Maybe someday you'll be able to love her will everything you are. Because it's a shame that you can't right now."

Rachel walked down the front steps and to her car, ignoring the vibrations of her phone with texts she knows are from Quinn.

She slammed the car door shut behind her and without waiting, broke down into sobs. _I'm doing the right thing, I'm doing the right thing_.

She loved Quinn, and that meant making a hard decision.

_Oh tell me now, where was my fault_ __  
In loving you with my whole heart  
  


  **Edited 2/01/2014.**

 

**Author's Note:**

> A.N. Hey, I just had this swirling in my head and deciding to put it down in writing. Let me know what you think! The good and the bad! Do you also want a sequel?
> 
> Follow me on tumblr at seekingoutfriday.tumblr.com
> 
> Or http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2838998/seekingoutfriday


End file.
